Summer in Chicago

I know, I know; I'm way behind on posts. And one still won't be up today. Sorry but it's summer in Chicago and, well, I've been living it up. I just got a bike the other day and have been riding it around, writing a bunch of junk, and actually cleaned my place. (First time in over two years.) I will put up two posts next week, the friend's one earlier in the week. Deal w/it.

Does Having a Book Change You? Bernie Mac's View on Change

I get this question a lot. I think it really depends on the author and the success of the book. For me, I haven’t changed at all. For guys like the Waiter, whose book has much more media and success than my own, it hasn’t changed him. That’s a testament to his strong character and sincerity.

That’s not to say that having a book hasn’t changed my life; it has. Given the subject, it has changed dating, of course. I like the girl-next-door-types; the book tends to scare them off, while attracting the more trixie-types, who I tend not to prefer. I knew this would happen, so I was prepared. It’s still, tough, though.

Mostly, having a book changes some of the people around me. Some friends feel a need to introduce me with my book-credit (”This is Ian, he wrote a really funny book”), while others keep asking me when the sequel will be written. The friend it changed the most was Cheryl (name changed to protect her identity).

I met Cheryl on New Year’s Eve at a bar called The Avenue several years ago. She had beautiful eyes and a warm smile, so I liked her, instantly. My friends and I hung out with her and her friends for most of the night. Her boyfriend was not at the party, as he was working. I got her digits before she left. We started to swap a lot of emails and got together for several dinners. I told her if she wasn’t dating someone, I would definitely be interested. (Working to steal women away from their boyfriends is immature and lame.) I didn’t like her boyfriend, though, as he spent little time with her. It seemed more like he was keeping her on the line rather than a real relationship. A few times it felt like we could get something going but she was true to her boyfriend and stuck to remaining friends with me. While I enjoyed seeing her and even having her sub occassionally for volleyball (she was only an intermediate player but the level of fun and personality she brought to the team more than made up for any lack of skill), I mostly looked forward to our conversations. Cheryl was intelligent and interesting; unafraid to speak her mind and personable. I had the feeling that she kind of wanted me to push her into having something happen; that if I did, I would be the reason for a break-up with her boyfriend. She didn’t really want to be responsible. That’s not how I want to start to date someone, so I didn’t push or pursue. In short, once I spoke my mind, I respected the friendship and had no problems with it.

If Cheryl had one flaw, it was her breasts. I don’t mean her breasts themselves, I mean her view of her breasts. She thought they were important but they weren’t. She would reference their small size in jokes from time to time. Personally, as I mention repeatedly in God, I am a butt man. Cheryl had a great ass, a nice bonus to everything else about her. When I wrote the first two chapters of God, I wanted to get some female feedback. I wanted women who I knew would tell me their thoughts; who wouldn’t sugarcoat anything. Cheryl was one of the women I asked. She gladly accepted. The first story deals with a woman who had an amazing pair of breasts. While Cheryl seemed to like the humor and candidness, after she read it, she became convinced that I was a breast man. “You’re definitely a breast man.” I repeatedly told her otherwise but she refused to believe me. There was a strong disappointment in her voice. This confirmed to me that she had an interest beyond mere friendship.

Soon after, Cheryl vanished. She stopped emailing or returning calls. No more dinners. No more great conversations. Fearing she thought I was a creep based on the first two stories, I sent her the rest of the manuscript when it was done, including the last couple chapters where I realize what an ass I had become and made changes, finding my balance. Still no reply. To this day I miss our conversations. Again, her vanishing act served to confirm my suspiscion that she had more than an interest in friendship–if she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t care what kind of breasts I liked.

I have not spoken with Cheryl since the book was released, over a year ago. I still miss our conversations. I’ve never met anyone quite like her. I still include her in emails to my friends about doing dinner or getting together for a movie, and so forth. Why bother? Another comedian gave me some great advice once: He said, “Never change anything about yourself for anyone unless you love them and they love you.” He was Bernie Mac and as you probably know, he died this past Saturday at age 50. His early demise is a reminder of the amount of time we waste on silly things, like a lack of communication or stupid misunderstandings or allowing others to change us when we really don’t want to change. Cheryl is a great example. If she had just believed me or told me what was really bothering her, we could have easily fixed it; instead, we both lose out on a good friendship–that might have been more when the timing became right. For what? For nothing that has any substance or real meaning.

So, unless Cheryl emails me to please stop including her on emails, I will continue to include her. I can’t control how anyone else lives their life but I can control how I live mine. Remember, the only person you have to live with is yourself. You have to be true to who you are; don’t let anyone change you unless you both love each other. (In which case you probably won’t want to change each other… at least not much.) Thanks Bernie; good stuff.

Bernie Mac

Not much to say except he was a really good guy; I met him a few times. His death is a reminder that life really is short and vulnerable. Remember that as you live. Bernie taught us all to live life to the fullest. Good advice.

Like Animals?

Just got back from Yellowstone. I promised you pictures, so here ya go. I took more video this time (bought a camcorder) and will post here when I get those up on YouTube, which will be a while... I have to learn how to edit the video footage, first. Got some great video, though--grizzly eating a deer, bear cub playing, a big grizzly chasing a smaller grizzly, bull moose blocking on our hiking trail--all of it shot within 20-200 yards. Great stuff! If you haven't been to Yellowstone, what are you waiting for? It's awesome! My only regret this trip was that I was not quick enough to get my equipment out to film a pack of wolves chasing down a herd of approximately 40 elk. That's right; we saw an actual wolf hunt, a mere 150 yards off the road. Unbelieveable and a rare sight. Get out there while it still exists!


My nephew is just too cool for Yellowstone.

Sometimes the only way to punish a kid is to drown him... just a little bit.

Nice waterfalls all over Yellowstone.

My nephew in his not-so-cool "safari gear;" he makes it work, though, don't you think? Look for it in catalogs this fall.

Some pronghorn, the only antelope in North America and the fastest animal here, with speeds over 5o mph.

The Grand Tetons, just south of Yellowstone, exist at the end of the rainbow.

Time to reflect a little...

4500 total miles on the trip... you have to do something to keep from throwing up and sticking your head out the window most of the journey is the best medicine!

A grizzly 50 yards off the road, eating a roadkill deer he dragged there. Caused miles upon miles of backed up traffic and we were lucky enough to be right at the front.

You should never swim in mountain lakes; it's a warning in all the literature. You can get hypothermia in minutes, sometimes even less, even in the summer. What? Me? Oh, I'm Canadian, too, so I'm just fine. This is like warm bathwater for me and if the American part of me gets cold, I just pee... Enjoy that bottled water from the mountains you're drinking...

This moose was like 25 yards away from us on a trail we hiked. We almost didn't see him. Fortunately, we did and we just watched him while he took his sweet time foraging and moving on; he actually blocked the trail for a while. A moose is the worst animal you can run into in the woods, even more so than a grizzly or cougar. Moose don't run, they stand and fight and are highly unpredictable, unlike cougars, who will most likely run and bears, who will most likely amble away, unless you are an idiot who surprised them or inspected a carcass they are eating. Fortunately, my nephew was too cool for this moose to mess with.

More moose.

For those of you who want some scenary... I tend to just take animal shots now, as I have all the scenic shots from previous trips.

A black bear.

The chef enjoys his breakfast. Just FYI, 11-year-olds make great Shirpas...

A coyote stops to check us out.

That same grizzly eats by the side of the road, on the beach. You can see the deer carcass just behind his paw.

A more traditional looking grizzly. This guy got chased by a bigger bear a few minutes after this was taken, a mere 3o yards in front of us! (We were across the road and they were on a twenty foot rise.)

Some kind of bird or something; anyone recognize it...?

Same grizzly eating off the road. He headed over for a drink to help wash down some of his meal.

Bighorn with a lamb.

After this was taken, my nephew and I wrestled the bison to the ground; we were a little bored.

Some bison after crossing a river then ambling along the road at night. Bison are starting to congregate in larger and larger numbers, as the re-introduced wolf population surges. At first, the wolves rarely went after bison, as elk are easier prey and plentiful; however, as wolves grow in number, the weaker packs are pushed into the prairies, where they are forced to learn to hunt bison or starve. Ironically, it is the weaker wolves that hunt the bison and in some cases, they gain confidence and strength, returing to elk territory, where they chase the pack away that once chased them away. An intriguing cycle. The bison can defend themselves better in large groups but then have to compete more for food. As always in life, it is a double-sided coin...

Trust me, go to Yellowstone. You can stay in cabins, hotels, camp, whatever; plenty of places to eat in the summer and so forth. It's so big, it doesn't feel crowded, even in the peak season of July. I guarantee you'll see elk and bison. Other animals, it's up to you. Moose are rare to see but we've had good luck; seen some every trip but one. (Grand Tetons are good for moose.) Cougar are nearly impossible; we had one roaming around a campground and never saw the freaking thing. Doh! (One was shot and killed in Chicago, only a neighborhood away from where I live, several months ago! Again... doh!) Grizzlies can be seen if you hit the right places in the early morning and evening, although still uncommon. Black bears are uncommon, too, and I've only seen one at Yellowstone... until this trip, where we saw like 10, including some cubs! Pronghorn are usually seen at least once, while bighorn are rarer. For eagles, it's all about reading the literature and going where it advises. Coyotes are common, wolves are rare (hate people), and foxes are extremely rare to see. (I know! Foxes?! Rare?!) We watched one hunt last summer and didn't realize how lucky we were until this trip. Get out there and have fun! Share your photos with me, though, 'kay? Thanks.

Yellowstone

Heading to Yellowstone for a while. Will post some pictures when I get back. Cheers!

Big Bahls Done

The script is officially done! I completed the changes a few days ago and production is set to begin on August 1st. Keep your fingers crossed...

Also, I signed the contract for saveinheritance.com's article today. The coverage will take place Spring '09 and we will reach 100's of millions of people, so I'm pleased. Hopefully, we'll kill this theft epidemic for everyone.

Inheritance Story Receives Interest of Major Media Outlet

Today I was graciously invited to prepare the story from www.saveinheritance.com and advice for a major media outlet. I was happy to accept. We will reach tens of millions of people, and more likely hundreds of millions (counting their site and traditional media outlets). It is very likely that their coverage will blow this epidemic wide open. This is great news because it will protect countless people, their inheritances, and thus their futures.

They would like to include some more people who have had similar experiences, as additional evidence of how great the problem is. I am accepting your stories until July 15. So, if you want to share your story and be part of the media coverage, email it to me @ iancoburn@hotmail.com. I'll see if I can get you included. (If you've signed a non-disclosure agreement, I will not be able to use your story.) Thanks in advance for sharing your story and helping out potential future victims.