Give Us Something To Work With, Ladies

All right,

I promised some dating advice for women, since I posted some a few weeks ago for the guys. I'm starting a new column for REAL CHICAGO magazine, where the plan is to take one question from each a guy and a girl each month. It will be called "Lunch is Not a Date: The Q & A." So, feel free to email me questions. Just go thru the www.godisawoman.net site and click "About Ian" to reach me.

Here's a sneak peak, this is the question I'll be answering from a woman for the debut column:

I met a guy waiting for the bus yesterday. He was very charming and interesting. We had a nice conversation while we waited for the bus. When the bus did arrive, I was totally turned off. He stepped in front of me to get on first. How rude! I was so annoyed, I didn't sit next to him. Why are men so impolite and if I see him again, what should I do? - CTA Rider.

CTA Rider,

That's great that you met a guy waiting for the bus. It's a good place to meet someone. No noise, no distractions, no other guys interrupting, none of your or his friends to worry about appeasing. And he must have some confidence to approach you, out in the open where he could easily and noticebly be embarrassed. Plus, if you're unresponsive, he has to stand there next to you, waiting for the bus. He's willing to take that risk. So, there's a good chance he's a good find, at least enough of one to warrant talking more with him.

Good guys want to determine your level of interest. We'll do minor things to see how you react, to make sure we're not bothering you. If I meet a woman at a bus stop, we have a nice conversation, she's laughing, but I sense she's a little hesitant, I want to gage her interest. A great way to do that is for me to get on the bus just ahead of her. Why? I want to see where she sits or stands. My plan is to grab a seat next to an empty seat or move toward the back of the bus. Does she sit next to me? Does she follow to the back of the bus or stay near the front? If she sits next to me or follows, I take it as a very good sign that she is at the very least interested in talking more. If she doesn't, I take it as an indicator that she does not want to talk further and has no interest. I have to get on just in front of her, because if I don't, some idiot who's not paying attention might sit next to me or get between us.

Many women often complain about the men they meet and date. The men aren't sensitive or thoughtful. The thoughtful guy is reading women, like the guy who gets on the bus first to give himself a chance to read something. The thoughtless guy will let you get on the bus first, then continue talking to you, even if you sit on the back of the bus without any vacant seats nearby, despite the fact that the bus is practically empty. He'll stand there, talking with you, bugging you. And he may persuade you to give him your number and you may end up dating. If you want to meet good guys, you have to give us something to work with, ladies.

This is a case where you, as the woman, have forgotten your audience. Your goal is to meet a meet a good guy. Instead, you allowed yourself to quickly judge him because he got on the bus in front of you, failing to recognize why he might do so. You then didn't sit next to him, making it clear, in his mind, that you weren't interested. Too many times women have their priorities mixed up. Re-prioritize. Confusion in priorities often leads to dating the wrong types of guys.

What should you do? If you see him again, realize he probably thinks you are not interested. You'll have to approach him. Ask him how he's been doing. He'll take if from there. When you get on the bus, see what happens. If he gets on first, sit or stand next to him. If you get on first, get on just in front of him and sit next to an empty seat or push to the back and see if he follows. Come on, ladies, give us something to work with!