A Few Gems From Preschool

My nephew, Nicholas, age four, stayed over at my place the last couple days. His brother, ten-year-old Marcus, the oldest of all my nephews and nieces, is currently in Florida for Spring Break. He's visiting my younger sister and her family in Orlando, where he spends the days at Disney and the nights hunting lizards.

Nicholas misses him terribly. It's the first time they've been away from each other this long and everyday he comments, "Marcus is coming over tomorrow. We're going to play Batman and he's going to make me a real cool Batman car. He always does." The day I picked him up to come over to my place, he commented, "I'm going to fly down to Florida and get Marcus to bring him home." My older sister's life is a little chaotic and it largely impacts on the kids. It's not just a matter of Nicholas missing his brother; he's missing his support system.

Any rate, I always learn a lot when Nicholas is over. He has his pulse on the facts of the world, all the hot preschool news, and excellent explanations. Here's what you need to know:

You don't fart, your butt burps.

Jesus was shot in the back on Easter.

The animals at the zoo go to all the zoos around the world. They share the same animals. That's why some cages are empty, those animals are at the other zoos. That's also why many of the animals just lie there when you see them. They are tired from all the traveling to the other zoos.

When you die, they put your body in a container in a closet. That's where monsters come from.

Nicholas is pretty sure he does not have a girlfriend. He would know. The conversation went like this:

"I'm mad at my friend Mary."

"Why's that, buddy?"

"She said I have a girlfriend. But I don't think I have a girlfriend."

"You don't think you have a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't think I do. And I would know."

"Maybe Mary likes you."

"No, she doesn't. She put paste in my mouth."

"What? And here I am ordering you a pizza for dinner, when you'll just eat paste. I have some paste, do want it for dinner?"

Nicholas laughs so hard he farts.

"Oh, my butt just burped."

"Yeah, your butt is burping a lot."

"He's angry today."

Yup, apparently butts get angry. Must be from having to carry the load all the time when people sit.