Sorry I haven't posted in nearly a week; things have been crazy busy. The celebrity signature project I have undertaken has been going well. I started to contact celebs, mostly via myspace and direct emails, this past week and three have already responded that they are in--John Caponera, Rocky LaPorte and Brett Butler. I will update as I hear back from more.
Also, my site is down this morning. I just got word that the server hard drive crashed and my host is currently working on the problem. It will either be back up on its current server or I will move it to Go Daddy, assuming I can figure out how that works! I hope I don't have to move it, though, because it could be done for a few days if I move it to Go Daddy; it takes some time, as I understand it, for that to get set up. Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for your patience.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
YouTube Videos of Trip
Here are the two YouTube videos from the trip I've put up; one is a grizzly with four cubs, the other Bison crossing the road. Both were taken at Yellowstone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYDyhwwv-Uk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-VmZTg-xN0
Enjoy and have a good one, everyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYDyhwwv-Uk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-VmZTg-xN0
Enjoy and have a good one, everyone.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Latest Article - Defending "Game"
Here is my latest article, which explains and defends "game." I happen to know some articles will be coming out soon attacking pua's and game; I felt it pertinent to beat them to the punch and explain what can easily be misunderstood and ridiculed. Before you get your panties or jockstrap in a bunch, I do discuss the problem with game; fortunately, I give the solution, too. Hey, what can I say? I'm a nice guy.
http://ezinearticles.com/?What-About-Her?-The-Flaw-with-Game-Exposed&id=713694
For those too lazy to look it up, here it is written out (like I said, I'm a nice guy. Is anyone buying that?):
Approach your target within three seconds of making eye contact with her. Get her number within five minutes of talking with her and then leave. Wait five days before calling her. We’ve all read these purported general guaranteed approaches to meeting women reiterated tirelessly in numerous articles and books by pick up artists, alpha males, and other dating experts. Rubbish. Quick question—what about her?
The general problem with both the alpha male and pua philosophy is that there is little focus, if any, on the woman. The techniques are far more concerned with dominance, being cool, meeting lots of women, and racing against some imagined clock. I am pleased to see the communities and to see them growing because they’ve created open dialogue among guys about women and sex, which are topics guys don’t explore outside of a quickly commented, “She’s hot,” “I need to meet her,” or “I still gotta give that girl from last week a call,” or a similar blurb. While the pua and alpha male societies tend to get a bad rap from women and society, they are actually good guys. Most of them aren’t looking to get laid or abuse women; they’re simply looking to develop socializing skills with women and date. Perhaps the biggest reason people frown upon them is because they have created terminology which sounds cold and degrading; in order to better teach guys, and communicate amongst themselves more effectively and efficiently. Outsiders erroneously interpret their language as meant to degrade or trivialize women. Examples include terms like “negging,” “skills set,” and numbering women on a scale from one to ten. It’s easy to see how an outsider could quickly perceive these terms as negative. The overall terminology and approach are described as “game.”
Therein lies the most glaring problem with the preached approach—the focus has become on the game, forgetting about the women. Participants focus on developing an arsenal of opening lines, rehearsed moves, and counter-responses to expressed disinterest by the “target” (woman). The point of game should be to develop confidence, people skills, and sense of humor, all leading to improvisation—being able to handle interacting with women in any situation. Once that is achieved, the game should be cast aside, no longer needed. I always like to use my own personal experience to illustrate.
In my late teens, I often found myself unable to speak more than a few words to women at bars or clubs, even though I wanted badly to meet many of them. I pretty much got in a quick hello and smile, asked a question or two, followed that up with awkward silence, then said, “Well, it was nice meeting you.” I then returned to a corner of the bar and people-watched. If I really liked a girl, I would approach her again with another couple questions. Once answered, I returned to my corner and thought up some more questions. I then returned and asked her those questions. It was a sad, totally ineffective approach; in fact, it couldn’t be called an approach. I needed something to say after “hi;” something that was interactive and engaging.
One day I worked with a comedian who performed a riddle on me while we were at a bar. I quickly began to use what I now term the “2 to 9”-bit. I would introduce myself to a woman after a quick hello and then implement the riddle. It went something like this (follow along by choosing a number and following the instructions, too; at the end of the article I explain how it works):
“I bet I can guess what you’re thinking.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Choose a number from two to nine but don’t tell me the number . . . Got it?”
“Yeah.”
“Multiply the number by nine. You now have a two digit number, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Add the two digits together.”
“Okay.”
“You have a one digit number again, right?”
“Yup.”
“Subtract five.”
“Okay.”
“Take that number and make it equal to a letter in the alphabet. For example, one would be A, two would be B, and so forth.”
“Okay, got it.”
“Think of a country beginning with that letter.”
“Okay.”
“Take the last letter of that country and think of an animal beginning with that letter.”
“All right.”
“Now take the last letter of that animal and think of a color that starts with it.”
“Okay, this is kind of getting long…”
“I have no idea what your number was but why are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?”
“Oh my God! How did you do that?”
The woman would usually touch or punch me while expressing her disbelief, putting me more at ease. I would play it off that I was just talented and touch her back. We’d discuss the riddle for a moment, occasionally I’d give it away or tell her that if she was good to me, I’d tell her how I did it. That move quickly developed my flirting skills, as most women replied, “And what do you mean by good to you?”
“Oh, I’m sure we can think of something.”
“Uh huh. I bet you are already thinking of something.”
I got bolder and bolder, which led to more and more flirting. “I am actually more wondering than thinking.”
“What are you wondering?”
“What color your panties are.”
It was surprising how women reacted to such a statement. Some laughed, some told me if I was nice to them maybe I’d get to find out, and some even showed me on the spot. My favorite times were when women replied, “What makes you think I’m wearing panties?” I quickly learned that women liked flirty banter and became a master at it.
After several months and using 2 to 9 to meet many women, I found myself phasing it out. I became more and more at ease with discussing whatever was on hand—improvising—no longer needing a trick or opener. Soon 2 to 9 was gone, replaced by what I term the “common denominator,” named only to explain it better so that other guys can use it. The common denominator is the thing or things you and the woman have in common; it could be having seen the same guy trip in a bar, ordering the same drink, standing next to each other in line, whatever. As I used the common denominator more and more, I paid more attention to my surroundings and what the women said and did, as opposed to having an arsenal of ready-to-use responses. I truly learned to interact with women and dropped all game; I was able to see things from their perspective and develop sensitivity. I was no longer, as women call it, “clueless.” The point is, game should lead to no game; it should lead to a true change in personality.
If you want to date a woman, who have to develop sensitivity and think about her; you must be able to see things from her perspective and get inside her head. Women do not tell guys what is bothering them or communicate well, despite generalizations to the contrary. Don’t believe me? Ask any married man and he’ll set you straight before your next blink. Again, that is where game is lacking; there is no true account for the woman’s feelings and thoughts, outside what might get you laid. Game does not account for women’s feelings and thoughts, not really, which is perhaps the biggest reason why non-participants scorn it.
A quick visit to message boards will find many discussions about women in which guys exchange numerous ideas about how to get those they’ve met, or had some success with, to date them. Like I said, most of these guys are good guys just trying to date a woman they like and they’ve turned to game; unfortunately, many get stuck in the game and don’t get past it. I was shocked to see on Neil Strauss’ site, renowned pua and author of The Game, that he still uses and is developing lines. Huh? He should have discarded game long ago. Other practitioners of game (pua’s, average guys, alpha males) I’ve talked with have moved past it, grateful that it served its intended purpose.
Why can’t many guys get past game? They rely on it too much, instead of taking risks by improvising. It was only through discarding game that I came to truly realize why game works . . . and why it doesn’t work all the time, which is a lot with practices such as approaching a woman within three seconds of making eye contact or focusing on getting her number within five minutes. (A lot of phone calls to those women don’t get answered or returned, so what purpose was really served? Certainly not getting a date.) Also, just like most chick lit., there is an underlying bitterness toward women for many of these guys. I went through the same feelings. I was bitter toward women for my lack of success, blaming them. If I didn’t have good social skills, why should I expect them to have those skills? If I didn’t know how to gage and create interest, why should I expect them to see my interest, or simply have interest for me just because I came over and said hello? I couldn’t; it was unfair and only getting in my own way. Again, I realized this only as I started to discard 2 to 9.
As an example, consider an entry on a message board in which a guy fooled around with a friend he’s liked for years. She and he got drunk and he got her top off in a park, where they rolled around and made out. He called her the next day, excited about what he expects to be a new relationship. He has not heard from her at all since that day, going on one month now. (I could have used any number of entries like this one as an example.) Dozens of guys have responded to his thread. Some have called her a “heartless bitch,” others “not worth your time” or “a tease.” Many have given advice on how he can get her back by using some game techniques; he has replied that none of them have worked. What gives? Not one guy replied, “What about her?”
What about her? Could it be that she’s embarrassed? Fears she may have screwed up a friendship? Feels slutty? Thinks she made a mistake and doesn’t want to mislead him? Is afraid he’ll want to just have sex if they get together again? To his one frustration and confusion, she’s going through dozens of thoughts and feelings. It’s probably too late now, but had he just taken a little time to consider her perspective, he would have anticipated her inevitable emotional reaction. He would have been able to address the issue right away, even on the spot with a simple, “I’m glad this happened but I’d like to slow it down. Can we just get together and talk in a few days? I don’t want to lose our friendship but I like being close to you, too. It’s kind of weird, you know?”
Wow! She’s thinking the same thing and now feels a greater bond and connection to him. She didn’t make a mistake; she can see that they are in the same place or at least having the same confused emotions and thoughts. He actually has the stated concerns but guys tend not to realize such things until it’s too late. We’re not good at analyzing our feelings and don’t do it; women do and to truly be successful with them, guys need to relate to that trait, even without having it ourselves. Again, I speak from direct experience.
When I was going through my severe jerk stage (I tell this story fully in my book God is a Woman: Dating Disasters), I hooked up with a woman who I had spoken to all of fifteen minutes and once on the phone. I met her while she was part of a bachelorette party entourage. It turned out she lived en route to a gig I would be driving to in a few weeks. I pushed hard, even though she herself was engaged. While she declined to give me her number, she did track me down the week before my drive past her town; she had dumped her fiancé and moved in with her older brother. To make a long story short, she ended up naked under me on one side of a blanket hanging from the ceiling in a studio apartment; on the other side of the blanket laid her brother. We called it before technically having sex but as you can imagine, everything else happened.
It took me two days to realize why she wasn’t returning my calls. It finally occurred to me that she was completely humiliated, embarrassed, was probably walking around avoiding her brother as much as possible—if she was even speaking to him—and so forth. Dah! I left her a message that I wanted to talk, that I didn’t want to leave the message on her and her brother’s answering machine, but I would if I had no other way to reach her. That got her to call me back and we discussed the situation. It wasn’t that I was insensitive or clueless; it was that I am a guy and guys don’t operate the same way as women. A guy’s mind and his emotions line up; if they don’t, he doesn’t act. We don’t sit there thinking, Okay, I have all these feelings and impulses that feel great; I can’t act on them, though, because the situation is wrong. My mind is telling me not do it. No. Our minds tell us Great, it feels good, she’s into it, experience each other. Guys don’t do things we don’t want to do; period. Women do and then later will blame the guy. There’s no use being upset about it as a guy, it’s simply the way it works. In her mind, she was thinking I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this but her emotions were saying I want him so badly and this feels so good. We ironed it all out but only because I became sensitive to “what about her?” that day.
I break all the rules of game when it comes to meeting women because I no longer need them. Consider the woman I just started to see. I met her on a pub crawl on a Friday night. I caught her eye a few times as she sat at a table with her friends, comprised of both men and women. They all laughed boisterously every few minutes. She wasn’t sitting on the end, so she wasn’t accessible. I shrugged it off and went about my business. Later the seat near her opened up and I went and sat down, commenting that it was obvious they were having the most fun of anyone in the bar and hence, I wanted to be with them. I didn’t ask for her number until we hit the last bar. In fact, I didn’t ask for her number at all; instead, I asked her out for the next night after learning she didn’t have plans. (This is supposedly desperate and makes me look socially non-busy; I’m supposed to appear very busy.) She gave me a maybe. We did not go out the next night but we did go out Sunday night. I broke every rule and yet it has worked out well. Why? Because those rules weren’t the right fit for her. They are not the right fit for anyone, really; they are just tools to be used to develop skills to get comfortable with women. Once you get experience and are comfortable, the techniques and lines should be phased out. Eventually, you will find that you are a new person. I am not the Ian Coburn who couldn’t talk to women armed with skills now; rather, I am a completely different person. That’s the real goal; to change your personality to an effective one, not to rely on rules and lines the rest of your life. Too many guys following game out there aren’t new people; they’re the same people with the same awkwardness and thoughts about women, only they are now armed with tools that, while helpful at first, are now in their way.
Work your game. Get comfortable. Add making a point of trying to see things from the woman’s perspective, anticipating her concerns, and evaluating things from her point of view when things aren’t going the way you expected. Lose any bitterness; the only person responsible for your happiness is yourself. It is no one else’s fault that you struggle in the dating world. Soon you will be a new man; one who women respect and like and won’t label as being a player or pua, or not want to date. The ultimate goal is to get comfortable with women not your game.
How 2 to 9 works: Every number between two to nine multiplied by nine results in a two-digit number that’s digits add up to nine. Subtract five and you end up with four, meaning “D” is always the letter; orange kangaroo from Denmark is almost always what people choose. I got so good at 2 to 9 that I could even call it when someone was thinking of a tan cat from the Dominican Republic. Once a woman did snub me by choosing teal (what the hell is teal?); she’s still in the trunk of my car . . . remember, lose your bitterness . . . Get comfortable with women not your game.
Comedian Ian Coburn is the author of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters, which offers fresh, original dating and sex advice to both men and women via stories of his hilarious failures as a touring comedian and what he learned from those stories. The book spawned his dating advice column--"Lunch is Not a Date" and earned him a new gig as a relationship expert on Lifetime. You may visit the following for more information, including excerpts from the book and his column: http://www.godisawoman.net
http://www.lunchisnotadate.com
God is a Woman: Dating Disasters is available wherever books are sold.
http://ezinearticles.com/?What-About-Her?-The-Flaw-with-Game-Exposed&id=713694
For those too lazy to look it up, here it is written out (like I said, I'm a nice guy. Is anyone buying that?):
Approach your target within three seconds of making eye contact with her. Get her number within five minutes of talking with her and then leave. Wait five days before calling her. We’ve all read these purported general guaranteed approaches to meeting women reiterated tirelessly in numerous articles and books by pick up artists, alpha males, and other dating experts. Rubbish. Quick question—what about her?
The general problem with both the alpha male and pua philosophy is that there is little focus, if any, on the woman. The techniques are far more concerned with dominance, being cool, meeting lots of women, and racing against some imagined clock. I am pleased to see the communities and to see them growing because they’ve created open dialogue among guys about women and sex, which are topics guys don’t explore outside of a quickly commented, “She’s hot,” “I need to meet her,” or “I still gotta give that girl from last week a call,” or a similar blurb. While the pua and alpha male societies tend to get a bad rap from women and society, they are actually good guys. Most of them aren’t looking to get laid or abuse women; they’re simply looking to develop socializing skills with women and date. Perhaps the biggest reason people frown upon them is because they have created terminology which sounds cold and degrading; in order to better teach guys, and communicate amongst themselves more effectively and efficiently. Outsiders erroneously interpret their language as meant to degrade or trivialize women. Examples include terms like “negging,” “skills set,” and numbering women on a scale from one to ten. It’s easy to see how an outsider could quickly perceive these terms as negative. The overall terminology and approach are described as “game.”
Therein lies the most glaring problem with the preached approach—the focus has become on the game, forgetting about the women. Participants focus on developing an arsenal of opening lines, rehearsed moves, and counter-responses to expressed disinterest by the “target” (woman). The point of game should be to develop confidence, people skills, and sense of humor, all leading to improvisation—being able to handle interacting with women in any situation. Once that is achieved, the game should be cast aside, no longer needed. I always like to use my own personal experience to illustrate.
In my late teens, I often found myself unable to speak more than a few words to women at bars or clubs, even though I wanted badly to meet many of them. I pretty much got in a quick hello and smile, asked a question or two, followed that up with awkward silence, then said, “Well, it was nice meeting you.” I then returned to a corner of the bar and people-watched. If I really liked a girl, I would approach her again with another couple questions. Once answered, I returned to my corner and thought up some more questions. I then returned and asked her those questions. It was a sad, totally ineffective approach; in fact, it couldn’t be called an approach. I needed something to say after “hi;” something that was interactive and engaging.
One day I worked with a comedian who performed a riddle on me while we were at a bar. I quickly began to use what I now term the “2 to 9”-bit. I would introduce myself to a woman after a quick hello and then implement the riddle. It went something like this (follow along by choosing a number and following the instructions, too; at the end of the article I explain how it works):
“I bet I can guess what you’re thinking.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Choose a number from two to nine but don’t tell me the number . . . Got it?”
“Yeah.”
“Multiply the number by nine. You now have a two digit number, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Add the two digits together.”
“Okay.”
“You have a one digit number again, right?”
“Yup.”
“Subtract five.”
“Okay.”
“Take that number and make it equal to a letter in the alphabet. For example, one would be A, two would be B, and so forth.”
“Okay, got it.”
“Think of a country beginning with that letter.”
“Okay.”
“Take the last letter of that country and think of an animal beginning with that letter.”
“All right.”
“Now take the last letter of that animal and think of a color that starts with it.”
“Okay, this is kind of getting long…”
“I have no idea what your number was but why are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?”
“Oh my God! How did you do that?”
The woman would usually touch or punch me while expressing her disbelief, putting me more at ease. I would play it off that I was just talented and touch her back. We’d discuss the riddle for a moment, occasionally I’d give it away or tell her that if she was good to me, I’d tell her how I did it. That move quickly developed my flirting skills, as most women replied, “And what do you mean by good to you?”
“Oh, I’m sure we can think of something.”
“Uh huh. I bet you are already thinking of something.”
I got bolder and bolder, which led to more and more flirting. “I am actually more wondering than thinking.”
“What are you wondering?”
“What color your panties are.”
It was surprising how women reacted to such a statement. Some laughed, some told me if I was nice to them maybe I’d get to find out, and some even showed me on the spot. My favorite times were when women replied, “What makes you think I’m wearing panties?” I quickly learned that women liked flirty banter and became a master at it.
After several months and using 2 to 9 to meet many women, I found myself phasing it out. I became more and more at ease with discussing whatever was on hand—improvising—no longer needing a trick or opener. Soon 2 to 9 was gone, replaced by what I term the “common denominator,” named only to explain it better so that other guys can use it. The common denominator is the thing or things you and the woman have in common; it could be having seen the same guy trip in a bar, ordering the same drink, standing next to each other in line, whatever. As I used the common denominator more and more, I paid more attention to my surroundings and what the women said and did, as opposed to having an arsenal of ready-to-use responses. I truly learned to interact with women and dropped all game; I was able to see things from their perspective and develop sensitivity. I was no longer, as women call it, “clueless.” The point is, game should lead to no game; it should lead to a true change in personality.
If you want to date a woman, who have to develop sensitivity and think about her; you must be able to see things from her perspective and get inside her head. Women do not tell guys what is bothering them or communicate well, despite generalizations to the contrary. Don’t believe me? Ask any married man and he’ll set you straight before your next blink. Again, that is where game is lacking; there is no true account for the woman’s feelings and thoughts, outside what might get you laid. Game does not account for women’s feelings and thoughts, not really, which is perhaps the biggest reason why non-participants scorn it.
A quick visit to message boards will find many discussions about women in which guys exchange numerous ideas about how to get those they’ve met, or had some success with, to date them. Like I said, most of these guys are good guys just trying to date a woman they like and they’ve turned to game; unfortunately, many get stuck in the game and don’t get past it. I was shocked to see on Neil Strauss’ site, renowned pua and author of The Game, that he still uses and is developing lines. Huh? He should have discarded game long ago. Other practitioners of game (pua’s, average guys, alpha males) I’ve talked with have moved past it, grateful that it served its intended purpose.
Why can’t many guys get past game? They rely on it too much, instead of taking risks by improvising. It was only through discarding game that I came to truly realize why game works . . . and why it doesn’t work all the time, which is a lot with practices such as approaching a woman within three seconds of making eye contact or focusing on getting her number within five minutes. (A lot of phone calls to those women don’t get answered or returned, so what purpose was really served? Certainly not getting a date.) Also, just like most chick lit., there is an underlying bitterness toward women for many of these guys. I went through the same feelings. I was bitter toward women for my lack of success, blaming them. If I didn’t have good social skills, why should I expect them to have those skills? If I didn’t know how to gage and create interest, why should I expect them to see my interest, or simply have interest for me just because I came over and said hello? I couldn’t; it was unfair and only getting in my own way. Again, I realized this only as I started to discard 2 to 9.
As an example, consider an entry on a message board in which a guy fooled around with a friend he’s liked for years. She and he got drunk and he got her top off in a park, where they rolled around and made out. He called her the next day, excited about what he expects to be a new relationship. He has not heard from her at all since that day, going on one month now. (I could have used any number of entries like this one as an example.) Dozens of guys have responded to his thread. Some have called her a “heartless bitch,” others “not worth your time” or “a tease.” Many have given advice on how he can get her back by using some game techniques; he has replied that none of them have worked. What gives? Not one guy replied, “What about her?”
What about her? Could it be that she’s embarrassed? Fears she may have screwed up a friendship? Feels slutty? Thinks she made a mistake and doesn’t want to mislead him? Is afraid he’ll want to just have sex if they get together again? To his one frustration and confusion, she’s going through dozens of thoughts and feelings. It’s probably too late now, but had he just taken a little time to consider her perspective, he would have anticipated her inevitable emotional reaction. He would have been able to address the issue right away, even on the spot with a simple, “I’m glad this happened but I’d like to slow it down. Can we just get together and talk in a few days? I don’t want to lose our friendship but I like being close to you, too. It’s kind of weird, you know?”
Wow! She’s thinking the same thing and now feels a greater bond and connection to him. She didn’t make a mistake; she can see that they are in the same place or at least having the same confused emotions and thoughts. He actually has the stated concerns but guys tend not to realize such things until it’s too late. We’re not good at analyzing our feelings and don’t do it; women do and to truly be successful with them, guys need to relate to that trait, even without having it ourselves. Again, I speak from direct experience.
When I was going through my severe jerk stage (I tell this story fully in my book God is a Woman: Dating Disasters), I hooked up with a woman who I had spoken to all of fifteen minutes and once on the phone. I met her while she was part of a bachelorette party entourage. It turned out she lived en route to a gig I would be driving to in a few weeks. I pushed hard, even though she herself was engaged. While she declined to give me her number, she did track me down the week before my drive past her town; she had dumped her fiancé and moved in with her older brother. To make a long story short, she ended up naked under me on one side of a blanket hanging from the ceiling in a studio apartment; on the other side of the blanket laid her brother. We called it before technically having sex but as you can imagine, everything else happened.
It took me two days to realize why she wasn’t returning my calls. It finally occurred to me that she was completely humiliated, embarrassed, was probably walking around avoiding her brother as much as possible—if she was even speaking to him—and so forth. Dah! I left her a message that I wanted to talk, that I didn’t want to leave the message on her and her brother’s answering machine, but I would if I had no other way to reach her. That got her to call me back and we discussed the situation. It wasn’t that I was insensitive or clueless; it was that I am a guy and guys don’t operate the same way as women. A guy’s mind and his emotions line up; if they don’t, he doesn’t act. We don’t sit there thinking, Okay, I have all these feelings and impulses that feel great; I can’t act on them, though, because the situation is wrong. My mind is telling me not do it. No. Our minds tell us Great, it feels good, she’s into it, experience each other. Guys don’t do things we don’t want to do; period. Women do and then later will blame the guy. There’s no use being upset about it as a guy, it’s simply the way it works. In her mind, she was thinking I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this but her emotions were saying I want him so badly and this feels so good. We ironed it all out but only because I became sensitive to “what about her?” that day.
I break all the rules of game when it comes to meeting women because I no longer need them. Consider the woman I just started to see. I met her on a pub crawl on a Friday night. I caught her eye a few times as she sat at a table with her friends, comprised of both men and women. They all laughed boisterously every few minutes. She wasn’t sitting on the end, so she wasn’t accessible. I shrugged it off and went about my business. Later the seat near her opened up and I went and sat down, commenting that it was obvious they were having the most fun of anyone in the bar and hence, I wanted to be with them. I didn’t ask for her number until we hit the last bar. In fact, I didn’t ask for her number at all; instead, I asked her out for the next night after learning she didn’t have plans. (This is supposedly desperate and makes me look socially non-busy; I’m supposed to appear very busy.) She gave me a maybe. We did not go out the next night but we did go out Sunday night. I broke every rule and yet it has worked out well. Why? Because those rules weren’t the right fit for her. They are not the right fit for anyone, really; they are just tools to be used to develop skills to get comfortable with women. Once you get experience and are comfortable, the techniques and lines should be phased out. Eventually, you will find that you are a new person. I am not the Ian Coburn who couldn’t talk to women armed with skills now; rather, I am a completely different person. That’s the real goal; to change your personality to an effective one, not to rely on rules and lines the rest of your life. Too many guys following game out there aren’t new people; they’re the same people with the same awkwardness and thoughts about women, only they are now armed with tools that, while helpful at first, are now in their way.
Work your game. Get comfortable. Add making a point of trying to see things from the woman’s perspective, anticipating her concerns, and evaluating things from her point of view when things aren’t going the way you expected. Lose any bitterness; the only person responsible for your happiness is yourself. It is no one else’s fault that you struggle in the dating world. Soon you will be a new man; one who women respect and like and won’t label as being a player or pua, or not want to date. The ultimate goal is to get comfortable with women not your game.
How 2 to 9 works: Every number between two to nine multiplied by nine results in a two-digit number that’s digits add up to nine. Subtract five and you end up with four, meaning “D” is always the letter; orange kangaroo from Denmark is almost always what people choose. I got so good at 2 to 9 that I could even call it when someone was thinking of a tan cat from the Dominican Republic. Once a woman did snub me by choosing teal (what the hell is teal?); she’s still in the trunk of my car . . . remember, lose your bitterness . . . Get comfortable with women not your game.
Comedian Ian Coburn is the author of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters, which offers fresh, original dating and sex advice to both men and women via stories of his hilarious failures as a touring comedian and what he learned from those stories. The book spawned his dating advice column--"Lunch is Not a Date" and earned him a new gig as a relationship expert on Lifetime. You may visit the following for more information, including excerpts from the book and his column: http://www.godisawoman.net
http://www.lunchisnotadate.com
God is a Woman: Dating Disasters is available wherever books are sold.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
A Little Charity
I was watching television Monday night while getting ready for bed and a commercial for the war came on the air. It featured a mother who informed me that her son died in the war and that if we pulled out now ("surrendered"), his death would mean nothing. "Defeat," she said, "is not an option." It had something else in there about needing to achieve "victory."
If you're like me, as most Americans seem to be these days, you are against the war in Iraq but support the troops, and you are tired of the administration trying to tell you that the two cannot be separated--if you are against the war, you are against the troops. I'm sorry, when did we vote for Stalin? I don't remember his name on the ballot, does anybody else? It sickens me that the Bush administration tries to bully us around and trick us into supporting what seems to be an endless war. A heartfelt statement from a mother is hitting way below the belt (when did politicians start doing that?) and insulting to mothers of other soldiers. It's like saying to them, "My son died in the war and your sons should continue to risk death for that reason alone."
You can't stay in a war because soldiers died. If you did, no war would ever end. It's not fair to ask other soldiers to die because soldiers before them died. This seems to be the only platform for the war the administration has currently. "Well, some soldiers died, so we should keep fighting to make their deaths mean something." Okay, then more and more soldiers die. Where does it end? Bush also compared Iraq to Vietnam. Yeah, that's a war you want to reference to gain support. If our adversaries in Iraq have the same attitude about their soldiers dying, we can be certain they will never stop attacking as long as we occupy; they've lost a lot more lives than we and thus have a lot more deaths to make count.
Where I stand on the war is a moot point; I just wanted to state it so everyone knows before I discuss the real issues, because people seem to want to always know these things. Do I vote democrat? Republican? Neither. I vote for whom I think would be best for the job. I would vote for Colin Powell in a heart beat if he were running for the Presidency. I wouldn't hire George Bush to clean my tub. The current candidates stand somewhere in between but most of them closer to the tub cleaning position.
Okay, hopefully we've cast political and war views aside. Now, we can discuss the real issues.
Two things really gall me about the statements the Bush administration makes. One is that the death of every soldier in every war counts, not just the deaths in a war that is won. Soldiers of the Vietnam War don't matter? The Korean? If you're going to stand by Bush's argument, you must argue that the deaths of U.S. soldiers in those wars were meaningless and didn't count because we didn't win. Two, while the Bush administration calls upon us to support the troops, he signed bills cutting Vet benefits early on in the war. This drives me absolutely batty and I am furious at the media for not being all over that; they should constantly be reminding us that Vet benefits were cut early on in the war. (I don't know the specifics of the cuts but will look into them. I spoke to an Iraq Vet who says the benefits are pretty good right now medically, at least in Illinois. He believes this to be more for political reasons than support of the troops and he is, sadly, most likely correct. He is an advocate of the war, for the record, and we had a good discussion about it; of course, he has firsthand knowledge on which I can't comment or relate.)
It is not soldiers fighting for their beliefs which makes their duty admirable; rather, it is that they put those beliefs aside. They are willing to go into battle regardless of opinion. They put their lives on the line; their faith in the hands of their government and citizens to decide how their lives are best served. They trust both completely and unquestionably, unfettered in their decision to serve. It is a soldier's willingness to waive opinion and decision-making that makes him or her worthy of nothing less than our highest respect and admiration. I could never give up my right to have an opinion, which is another reason why I greatly respect those who do in order to serve. It is our duty as citizens to make sure that our government does not abuse or misuse soldiers' trust. It is our duty to make sure their needs are met when they return home, having served us in the greatest way possible. We have dropped that ball.
I believe the Internet to be a great way for everyday average people like me and you to make a difference. More so than ever before, we can impact decision making and raise funds for charity. You don't have to be a wealthy philanthropist to help those in need; yet, you can do more than send a few dollars. I thought about this after seeing that commercial for the war. I thought about it all day Tuesday. What can I do to help vets? How can I assist them? What skills do I have that I can offer them in service?
The answer hit me Tuesday afternoon. Ebay. It occurred to me that I can solicit any celebrities in my book, whether part of a story or just mentioned in passing, to sign a copy. I can then auction that copy off on Ebay and donate the proceeds to a VA fund. Will I raise a lot of money? Any money? Who knows but it is my duty to try. I also want to do this because my father died a few years ago. He was a Korean War Vet and the soldiers at his service, none of whom knew him, were very honorable and respectful to me. This is a way I can help repay their kindness.
I will keep you posted on this project as it develops. I will try contacting the celebrities via their agents and myspace sites. I may post on the blog, asking if anyone knows who someone's agent is; it's not always easy to find out! (I also plan to get a copy signed by them all for NAMI's March 2008 auction--The National Alliance for Mental Illness, and donate the proceeds specifically to children with mental illness. I've been supporting NAMI as often as possible for the last few years.)
Speaking of charity, I've been getting emails from fans of the book asking how they can help spread the word about it and my "Lunch is Not a Date" column. I've been thinking about that, too. I grew up hanging out in libraries, often taking my little sister there and reading her book after book in the children section. It was really cute; she'd go choose a bunch based on the pictures, then return and shove her fingers in her mouth as I read them to her. Libraries don't have a big budget and accept donations. They are a great place for readers to discover a book. If you want to help the book out, please take a moment and help a library out, too. Simply order a copy of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters off Amazon and have it mailed to your local library. Choose "gift" and write "donation" on the card. You'll be helping your library while you spread the word. Thanks everyone for your continued support. It is all very flattering and again, most of the book's success is due to your word of mouth.
If you're like me, as most Americans seem to be these days, you are against the war in Iraq but support the troops, and you are tired of the administration trying to tell you that the two cannot be separated--if you are against the war, you are against the troops. I'm sorry, when did we vote for Stalin? I don't remember his name on the ballot, does anybody else? It sickens me that the Bush administration tries to bully us around and trick us into supporting what seems to be an endless war. A heartfelt statement from a mother is hitting way below the belt (when did politicians start doing that?) and insulting to mothers of other soldiers. It's like saying to them, "My son died in the war and your sons should continue to risk death for that reason alone."
You can't stay in a war because soldiers died. If you did, no war would ever end. It's not fair to ask other soldiers to die because soldiers before them died. This seems to be the only platform for the war the administration has currently. "Well, some soldiers died, so we should keep fighting to make their deaths mean something." Okay, then more and more soldiers die. Where does it end? Bush also compared Iraq to Vietnam. Yeah, that's a war you want to reference to gain support. If our adversaries in Iraq have the same attitude about their soldiers dying, we can be certain they will never stop attacking as long as we occupy; they've lost a lot more lives than we and thus have a lot more deaths to make count.
Where I stand on the war is a moot point; I just wanted to state it so everyone knows before I discuss the real issues, because people seem to want to always know these things. Do I vote democrat? Republican? Neither. I vote for whom I think would be best for the job. I would vote for Colin Powell in a heart beat if he were running for the Presidency. I wouldn't hire George Bush to clean my tub. The current candidates stand somewhere in between but most of them closer to the tub cleaning position.
Okay, hopefully we've cast political and war views aside. Now, we can discuss the real issues.
Two things really gall me about the statements the Bush administration makes. One is that the death of every soldier in every war counts, not just the deaths in a war that is won. Soldiers of the Vietnam War don't matter? The Korean? If you're going to stand by Bush's argument, you must argue that the deaths of U.S. soldiers in those wars were meaningless and didn't count because we didn't win. Two, while the Bush administration calls upon us to support the troops, he signed bills cutting Vet benefits early on in the war. This drives me absolutely batty and I am furious at the media for not being all over that; they should constantly be reminding us that Vet benefits were cut early on in the war. (I don't know the specifics of the cuts but will look into them. I spoke to an Iraq Vet who says the benefits are pretty good right now medically, at least in Illinois. He believes this to be more for political reasons than support of the troops and he is, sadly, most likely correct. He is an advocate of the war, for the record, and we had a good discussion about it; of course, he has firsthand knowledge on which I can't comment or relate.)
It is not soldiers fighting for their beliefs which makes their duty admirable; rather, it is that they put those beliefs aside. They are willing to go into battle regardless of opinion. They put their lives on the line; their faith in the hands of their government and citizens to decide how their lives are best served. They trust both completely and unquestionably, unfettered in their decision to serve. It is a soldier's willingness to waive opinion and decision-making that makes him or her worthy of nothing less than our highest respect and admiration. I could never give up my right to have an opinion, which is another reason why I greatly respect those who do in order to serve. It is our duty as citizens to make sure that our government does not abuse or misuse soldiers' trust. It is our duty to make sure their needs are met when they return home, having served us in the greatest way possible. We have dropped that ball.
I believe the Internet to be a great way for everyday average people like me and you to make a difference. More so than ever before, we can impact decision making and raise funds for charity. You don't have to be a wealthy philanthropist to help those in need; yet, you can do more than send a few dollars. I thought about this after seeing that commercial for the war. I thought about it all day Tuesday. What can I do to help vets? How can I assist them? What skills do I have that I can offer them in service?
The answer hit me Tuesday afternoon. Ebay. It occurred to me that I can solicit any celebrities in my book, whether part of a story or just mentioned in passing, to sign a copy. I can then auction that copy off on Ebay and donate the proceeds to a VA fund. Will I raise a lot of money? Any money? Who knows but it is my duty to try. I also want to do this because my father died a few years ago. He was a Korean War Vet and the soldiers at his service, none of whom knew him, were very honorable and respectful to me. This is a way I can help repay their kindness.
I will keep you posted on this project as it develops. I will try contacting the celebrities via their agents and myspace sites. I may post on the blog, asking if anyone knows who someone's agent is; it's not always easy to find out! (I also plan to get a copy signed by them all for NAMI's March 2008 auction--The National Alliance for Mental Illness, and donate the proceeds specifically to children with mental illness. I've been supporting NAMI as often as possible for the last few years.)
Speaking of charity, I've been getting emails from fans of the book asking how they can help spread the word about it and my "Lunch is Not a Date" column. I've been thinking about that, too. I grew up hanging out in libraries, often taking my little sister there and reading her book after book in the children section. It was really cute; she'd go choose a bunch based on the pictures, then return and shove her fingers in her mouth as I read them to her. Libraries don't have a big budget and accept donations. They are a great place for readers to discover a book. If you want to help the book out, please take a moment and help a library out, too. Simply order a copy of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters off Amazon and have it mailed to your local library. Choose "gift" and write "donation" on the card. You'll be helping your library while you spread the word. Thanks everyone for your continued support. It is all very flattering and again, most of the book's success is due to your word of mouth.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
It's Important Because it's There
This will become one of my favorite philosophies. (Oh yeah, I'm back from my trip.) One of the spots we camped at was Yellowstone, where there is still controversy over the reintroduction of wolves, who have now apparently spread across Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, and parts of Colorado. Experts are hoping they will reach Rocky National Mountain Park, where they have decided not to reintroduce them because of the hassle (creating a fund to compensate ranchers for lost livestock and such). Wolves are spreading quickly in part because of the overpopulation of food, particularily elk and deer. The big question those against the wolves pose is always the same: "Why is the wolf important?" In general, why is anything in nature important? Answer: It is important because it is there. Nature knows what it is doing, just leave it alone. Consider that with the reintroduction of wolves, elk populations are being kept in check (Elk can easily overgraze an area, in turn helping to increase flooding and mud slides). Coyotes, carriers of rabies and pests themselves, who have killed far more pets than wolves ever did pets or livestock, and who seem to thrive with human civilization, are being killed by wolves left and right. In Yellowstone, wolves have killed more than half the coyote population, either directly or by lowering the number for birthing. In turn, other animals--whose food sources have been over eaten by coyotes for generations--are making a strong comeback. Bobcats, foxes, lynxes, badgers, and hopefully fishers, martens, and other such critters will re-surge in numbers. Also, according to some info I read regarding east Canadian wolverine populations, the reintroduction of wolves could very well help reintroduce wolverines, who rely heavily on wolf kills for scavenging purposes. (Wolverines are primarily scavengers.) It's important because it's there.
Here are a few pictures from the trip, which was awesome by the way; absolutely awesome. If you like animals, you'll find plenty here. Here's some voclanic activity in Yellowstone.
We drove all the way to Yellowstone from Cody, only to find upon arrival that the East entrance was closed due to a forest fire. We had to go all the way back to Cody (over 50 miles of mountain driving) and head from there up to the Northeast entrance of the park (another 50 miles of driving). We were annoyed there were no signs posted by the park service anywhere about the closure or news about it on their radio station. When we got back to Cody, we went to eat dinner at a Subway in a Walmart. Look what was on the door (it turned out not to be a big deal; the drive to the other entrance was spectacular and well worth it; we wouldn't have seen it without the closure). 
Some people feed a Wild Burro in South Dakota, in the Black Hills. 
This was the most awesome thing on the trip. I was sitting on the curb, waiting for my friend Greg at the car. A man rushed toward me with his camera. I turned around to see what had him so excited (at first I assumed he had read God is a Woman and wanted my autograph, of course). There, fifteen feet away from me, was a young adult wolf. I was immediately overcome with awe. He looked at me for a few moments, then gaited effortlessly away, covering lots of ground with long, easy strides. I then snatched up my camera and followed. He looked at me again, given me a great shot, then gaited away, vanishing in but a moment. I did a little research to be sure it was a wolf because wolves have a tendency to look very different from one another, and sometimes coyotes are mistaken for wolves. The coyotes in Yellowstone are big but nowhere near the size of the wolf. He was easily more than three times the size of the coyotes we saw there. I found several similar photos of wolves in books and also learned that coyotes and wolves interbreed in the wild, making identification difficult. My wolf looks slightly different than the wolves we saw through high-powered telescopes in the park; while that is most likely due to the wolf being young, it could also well be that I saw what I now call a "woyote"--the product of a wolf and coyote who shacked up. 
A couple woodpeckers. 
We drove through lots of blowing sand in Idaho. 
Notice how small and sleek wild squirrels are, compared to the fat, lazy ones in cities. 
Just a simple mountain stream. 
This is what I look like after a week of not showering or doing my hair. (Ladies, this is also how I look the next morning.) 
The tundra in Rocky Mountain Park (area above the treeline on a mountain). 
The rarely seen pika, a critter that lives in the tundra. It is often heard barking high pitch squeaks but rarely seen, let alone photographed. 
This prairie dog in South Dakota was certainly sitting in a funky position. 
Some pronghorn in South Dakota. 
A raven, which is basically a large crow. These things may be the smartest animals on earth next to humans and dolphins. They can mimick sounds and voices and have one of the largest thought-processing areas in their brain. In one case, a guy who stocked his fish pond with large gold fish (essentially carp) kept losing them and couldn't figure out why. No one fished in the pond and it was surrounded by a fence. He decided to hide and watch. A raven that was being fed pieces of bread in a nearby park flew over to the pond with a few pieces of said bread in its mouth. It then dropped the bread into the pond. The fish came up to the surface to eat the bread, whereupon the raven swooped down and plucked one out of the pond for a better meal than bread. 
We could use one of these guys right now, eh? 
A nice view with a mountain lake. 
I'm very excited because a guy sold me this lake for fifty dollars! Come by anytime, especially if you're a woman. No swimsuits required in my lake. 
Old Faithful in Yellowstone. 
An osprey. 
This looks like ice but it's actually hot sulfur from the ground that comes up through hot springs. 
Cool sunset. 
Bullwinkle. 
Another mountain lake. 
Climb to the top of Deer Mountain in Rocky Mountain Park and this is your reward. Or just look at the picture. 
A fox. I feel very lucky to get this shot. While I've seen about a dozen foxes in the wild, never have I gotten a photo of one. They always take off so quickly, there is no time to get a shot off. I actually got video of this one hunting and killing a mouse. 
Another trip highlight: A grizzly with four cubs. After the pictures I tried to put up a video of mom and the cubs but it wouldn't work; I'll get one up on YouTube with other animal videos I took and post here when they're up. 
A hailstorm in the mountains. 
A blue heron. 
Hiking in the South Dakota Badlands. 
This sign sits on the Continental Divide and explains what it is for those who don't know. 
There is always one moronic driver who wants to go around, thinking that people just stop in the middle of the road for no reason. 
An elk calf with mom. 
A herd of elk in Rocky Mountain Park. Man, these things are everywhere out there. No wolves, the local cougars prefer mule deer mostly, and black bears can't catch elk too effectively. 
Think I was lying? This is Estes Park, just outside Rocky Mountain Park. A dozen elk walked into town one sunny afternoon, as bunches do almost daily. They even rut in town in the Fall, coming down from the overcrowded park. Still think they don't need wolves? All these elk do is eat; constantly! 
It took this guy three hours to figure out how to get into this cabin. 
An elk calf. 
A coyote. Notice the different facial shape from the wolf, as well as the shorter legs, smaller feet, and different build. This guy was in Rocky Mountain, where the coyotes supposedly have gotten big enough to form packs and attack elk (larger than even Yellowstone coyotes). The packs must number like a thousand or something; I don't see how else they could take one down. This guy was less than a third the size of the wolf I saw, who was a young adult wolf at that. 
This lady was starving when we came upon her. We were glad the animal got there first. 
Getting a little wet. That mountain spring water is freezing cold but quite refreshing. 
South Dakota Badlands National Park. 
A bison. Got some short video of a few fighting. Pretty cool. 
A herd of bison. We had to stop for a huge herd crossing the road all night long one night in Yellowstone. 
Such as... 
A bull elk tries to figure out what is on his butt and if his health insurance will cover its removal. 
I highly recommend visiting the national parks, especially Yellowstone, Glacier (didn't hit that one this trip but it is the most wild and rugged in the U.S.) and Rocky Mountain. As you can see, I'm a big animal buff. The trip actually gave me a great idea for a kids book to help younger kids understand, appreciate, and adore nature. I'm pretty psyched about it and am adding it to my list of projects. Seriously, get out and see these places. They are far beyond the justice of any photos or descriptions.
Here are a few pictures from the trip, which was awesome by the way; absolutely awesome. If you like animals, you'll find plenty here. Here's some voclanic activity in Yellowstone.
We drove all the way to Yellowstone from Cody, only to find upon arrival that the East entrance was closed due to a forest fire. We had to go all the way back to Cody (over 50 miles of mountain driving) and head from there up to the Northeast entrance of the park (another 50 miles of driving). We were annoyed there were no signs posted by the park service anywhere about the closure or news about it on their radio station. When we got back to Cody, we went to eat dinner at a Subway in a Walmart. Look what was on the door (it turned out not to be a big deal; the drive to the other entrance was spectacular and well worth it; we wouldn't have seen it without the closure). 
Some people feed a Wild Burro in South Dakota, in the Black Hills. 
This was the most awesome thing on the trip. I was sitting on the curb, waiting for my friend Greg at the car. A man rushed toward me with his camera. I turned around to see what had him so excited (at first I assumed he had read God is a Woman and wanted my autograph, of course). There, fifteen feet away from me, was a young adult wolf. I was immediately overcome with awe. He looked at me for a few moments, then gaited effortlessly away, covering lots of ground with long, easy strides. I then snatched up my camera and followed. He looked at me again, given me a great shot, then gaited away, vanishing in but a moment. I did a little research to be sure it was a wolf because wolves have a tendency to look very different from one another, and sometimes coyotes are mistaken for wolves. The coyotes in Yellowstone are big but nowhere near the size of the wolf. He was easily more than three times the size of the coyotes we saw there. I found several similar photos of wolves in books and also learned that coyotes and wolves interbreed in the wild, making identification difficult. My wolf looks slightly different than the wolves we saw through high-powered telescopes in the park; while that is most likely due to the wolf being young, it could also well be that I saw what I now call a "woyote"--the product of a wolf and coyote who shacked up. 
A couple woodpeckers. 
We drove through lots of blowing sand in Idaho. 
Notice how small and sleek wild squirrels are, compared to the fat, lazy ones in cities. 
Just a simple mountain stream. 
This is what I look like after a week of not showering or doing my hair. (Ladies, this is also how I look the next morning.) 
The tundra in Rocky Mountain Park (area above the treeline on a mountain). 
The rarely seen pika, a critter that lives in the tundra. It is often heard barking high pitch squeaks but rarely seen, let alone photographed. 
This prairie dog in South Dakota was certainly sitting in a funky position. 
Some pronghorn in South Dakota. 
A raven, which is basically a large crow. These things may be the smartest animals on earth next to humans and dolphins. They can mimick sounds and voices and have one of the largest thought-processing areas in their brain. In one case, a guy who stocked his fish pond with large gold fish (essentially carp) kept losing them and couldn't figure out why. No one fished in the pond and it was surrounded by a fence. He decided to hide and watch. A raven that was being fed pieces of bread in a nearby park flew over to the pond with a few pieces of said bread in its mouth. It then dropped the bread into the pond. The fish came up to the surface to eat the bread, whereupon the raven swooped down and plucked one out of the pond for a better meal than bread. 
We could use one of these guys right now, eh? 
A nice view with a mountain lake. 
I'm very excited because a guy sold me this lake for fifty dollars! Come by anytime, especially if you're a woman. No swimsuits required in my lake. 
Old Faithful in Yellowstone. 
An osprey. 
This looks like ice but it's actually hot sulfur from the ground that comes up through hot springs. 
Cool sunset. 
Bullwinkle. 
Another mountain lake. 
Climb to the top of Deer Mountain in Rocky Mountain Park and this is your reward. Or just look at the picture. 
A fox. I feel very lucky to get this shot. While I've seen about a dozen foxes in the wild, never have I gotten a photo of one. They always take off so quickly, there is no time to get a shot off. I actually got video of this one hunting and killing a mouse. 
Another trip highlight: A grizzly with four cubs. After the pictures I tried to put up a video of mom and the cubs but it wouldn't work; I'll get one up on YouTube with other animal videos I took and post here when they're up. 
A hailstorm in the mountains. 
A blue heron. 
Hiking in the South Dakota Badlands. 
This sign sits on the Continental Divide and explains what it is for those who don't know. 
There is always one moronic driver who wants to go around, thinking that people just stop in the middle of the road for no reason. 
An elk calf with mom. 
A herd of elk in Rocky Mountain Park. Man, these things are everywhere out there. No wolves, the local cougars prefer mule deer mostly, and black bears can't catch elk too effectively. 
Think I was lying? This is Estes Park, just outside Rocky Mountain Park. A dozen elk walked into town one sunny afternoon, as bunches do almost daily. They even rut in town in the Fall, coming down from the overcrowded park. Still think they don't need wolves? All these elk do is eat; constantly! 
It took this guy three hours to figure out how to get into this cabin. 
An elk calf. 
A coyote. Notice the different facial shape from the wolf, as well as the shorter legs, smaller feet, and different build. This guy was in Rocky Mountain, where the coyotes supposedly have gotten big enough to form packs and attack elk (larger than even Yellowstone coyotes). The packs must number like a thousand or something; I don't see how else they could take one down. This guy was less than a third the size of the wolf I saw, who was a young adult wolf at that. 
This lady was starving when we came upon her. We were glad the animal got there first. 
Getting a little wet. That mountain spring water is freezing cold but quite refreshing. 
South Dakota Badlands National Park. 
A bison. Got some short video of a few fighting. Pretty cool. 
A herd of bison. We had to stop for a huge herd crossing the road all night long one night in Yellowstone. 
Such as... 
A bull elk tries to figure out what is on his butt and if his health insurance will cover its removal. 
I highly recommend visiting the national parks, especially Yellowstone, Glacier (didn't hit that one this trip but it is the most wild and rugged in the U.S.) and Rocky Mountain. As you can see, I'm a big animal buff. The trip actually gave me a great idea for a kids book to help younger kids understand, appreciate, and adore nature. I'm pretty psyched about it and am adding it to my list of projects. Seriously, get out and see these places. They are far beyond the justice of any photos or descriptions.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Vacation!
Hey All,
I will be heading out for vacation tomorrow and won't be back on the Internet until Aug. 27; doing some serious camping out in Yellowstone and the surrounding area. I apologize in advance for the long absence but I should have some great photos to share. I may also have some big news... You'll have to wait until the end of August... Until then, check out some great blogs at Legal Pub, Ze Frank, and Singled Out. Good stuff!
-Ian
I will be heading out for vacation tomorrow and won't be back on the Internet until Aug. 27; doing some serious camping out in Yellowstone and the surrounding area. I apologize in advance for the long absence but I should have some great photos to share. I may also have some big news... You'll have to wait until the end of August... Until then, check out some great blogs at Legal Pub, Ze Frank, and Singled Out. Good stuff!
-Ian
Saturday, August 4, 2007
How to Get Her to Return Your Phone Call
This is an article I wrote for E-zine. I also posted it by request on The Mystery Method Forum. BTW, the Lifetime site is up and running, revamped. You can see my first two answers to women's dating questions here:
http://www.lifetimetv.com/lifestyle/relationships/dating/dating-guy-rebound
http://www.lifetimetv.com/lifestyle/relationships/family-friends/cheating-or-innocent-meeting
Ladies, please send in your questions to Lifetime or me. I will answer them as part of Lifetime (if it is one they send me) or in my column, separately. I think guy's will back up that my answers are solid and accurate.
Okay, here's the article:
If I see one me article about how to get a woman’s phone number, I’m going to punch someone in the face. Seriously; it won’t be the writer, just the next person I see. POW! I’ll punch them right in the face . . . then run away really fast.
When it comes to getting a woman’s number, I’ve seen it all, from asking “write down your email, oh, and while you’re at it, put your number there, too” (she knows what your up to) to literally demanding the number if she won’t give it to you. Then there’s the inevitable debate about when is too soon to call and when is too late; the standard is to wait between three to five days. There are scores of articles and discussions about how to get digits, and when to call; not one about how to make sure she returns your call, mostly because the experts don’t have an answer. Getting digits doesn’t mean squat. How many times have women not called back? Are you after a number or a date? I want a date; thus, I need her to return my call. So, I don’t worry about getting digits.
I concern myself only with the conversation—listening to her and responding, inserting flirtatious comments when there’s an opening. If I’m still interested, I take something in the conversation and ask her out with it. For example, perhaps she mentioned she hasn’t been to a basketball game in a while or wants to check out some new Italian restaurant. I suggest we go—“You know that restaurant sounds really good. Let’s check it out. How about next week?” or “I haven’t been to a b-ball game in ages, either; you know, I think the Bulls are in town next week, let’s go to a game. What’s your number? I’ll check the schedule and call you.” (I live in Chicago.) The typical answer is, “Ah, yeah, I think I can do that; I need to check my schedule first.”
I get the digits and continue the conversation. Why? Because I enjoy her company and because I come off like a hit and run driver if I rush off immediately after getting her digits. Also, it’s quite possible that I’ll get something more than digits. If I realize nothing is going to happen that night, or that I don’t want anything to happen, yet; a little later in the conversation I end it, tell her it was nice meeting her, and remind her I will be calling her about the game or the restaurant or whatever. I’ve accomplished a few things.
One, I’ve shown her that I am paying attention to her. A lot of guys focus too much on their game and not enough on the woman. In fact, many guys really aren’t comfortable with women; they’re comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. Women notice this and one of their biggest complaints is that guys don’t pay attention to them, more commonly stated as “men are clueless.” Two, I’ve made myself memorable. Who knows how many guys she’s going to meet the night I met her or between that night and the time I call? I need to stand out. Third, I’ve created a reason to call which involves a deadline; I don’t have to worry about calling too soon and how she might interpret that because I have a clear reason. Fourth, I’ve practically guaranteed she will return my call because, if nothing else, there is a very strong chance she will feel obligated to call and cancel our tentative date. The bigger the first date I suggest, the greater the odds she will feel obligated to call me to cancel. I’ve suggested expensive theater, concerts, and the symphony as a first date; way too much but that’s where the conversation went. Fifth, I’ve come off showing lots of confidence, which women tend to prefer. Finally, with her return call, I have the opportunity to reconnect, which is what I’m really after.
I use this practice a lot. It’s been at least four years since a woman hasn’t returned my call. When she does return my call and we reconnect, the result is me usually suggesting a simpler date, like a drink or dinner. I won’t pretend that I’ve always gotten the date; I haven’t. I do get the date about eighty percent of the time, though. Those aren’t bad numbers—100% returned calls and 80% dates from those calls. Like anything else, it takes practice. If you suggest something big like the symphony in the wrong way, you’ll come off looking desperate, so start smaller. (My background is standup comedy; trust me, timing and delivery are far more important than the actual material.) If she talks about the symphony, for example, ask her if she likes other music; suggest an open mic night at a coffee house or something similar in reply.
This technique isn’t based on them being women or manipulation; it’s based on them being human and common courtesy. If, as a guy, I met you out tonight playing darts or something and you mentioned you were a huge Sox fan, and I told you I had a friend who might have a couple extra tickets to the game next Thursday and asked if you were interested, got your number and told you I’d call when I knew for sure either way, would you not be expecting a call? Would you not return my call to decline or accept the tickets? One of the best things I ever learned was to treat a woman I liked as little like a woman as possible and as much like an average person I met, as possible. The more I like the woman, the harder that is to do; but, the more I like her, that is precisely when it is most important for me not to treat her differently.
Quit focusing on your game and getting digits; instead, focus on listening, responding, and getting a date. You’re not in a race to get her number or to move on to the next woman—at least you shouldn’t be; get comfortable with women, not your “game.”
http://www.lifetimetv.com/lifestyle/relationships/dating/dating-guy-rebound
http://www.lifetimetv.com/lifestyle/relationships/family-friends/cheating-or-innocent-meeting
Ladies, please send in your questions to Lifetime or me. I will answer them as part of Lifetime (if it is one they send me) or in my column, separately. I think guy's will back up that my answers are solid and accurate.
Okay, here's the article:
If I see one me article about how to get a woman’s phone number, I’m going to punch someone in the face. Seriously; it won’t be the writer, just the next person I see. POW! I’ll punch them right in the face . . . then run away really fast.
When it comes to getting a woman’s number, I’ve seen it all, from asking “write down your email, oh, and while you’re at it, put your number there, too” (she knows what your up to) to literally demanding the number if she won’t give it to you. Then there’s the inevitable debate about when is too soon to call and when is too late; the standard is to wait between three to five days. There are scores of articles and discussions about how to get digits, and when to call; not one about how to make sure she returns your call, mostly because the experts don’t have an answer. Getting digits doesn’t mean squat. How many times have women not called back? Are you after a number or a date? I want a date; thus, I need her to return my call. So, I don’t worry about getting digits.
I concern myself only with the conversation—listening to her and responding, inserting flirtatious comments when there’s an opening. If I’m still interested, I take something in the conversation and ask her out with it. For example, perhaps she mentioned she hasn’t been to a basketball game in a while or wants to check out some new Italian restaurant. I suggest we go—“You know that restaurant sounds really good. Let’s check it out. How about next week?” or “I haven’t been to a b-ball game in ages, either; you know, I think the Bulls are in town next week, let’s go to a game. What’s your number? I’ll check the schedule and call you.” (I live in Chicago.) The typical answer is, “Ah, yeah, I think I can do that; I need to check my schedule first.”
I get the digits and continue the conversation. Why? Because I enjoy her company and because I come off like a hit and run driver if I rush off immediately after getting her digits. Also, it’s quite possible that I’ll get something more than digits. If I realize nothing is going to happen that night, or that I don’t want anything to happen, yet; a little later in the conversation I end it, tell her it was nice meeting her, and remind her I will be calling her about the game or the restaurant or whatever. I’ve accomplished a few things.
One, I’ve shown her that I am paying attention to her. A lot of guys focus too much on their game and not enough on the woman. In fact, many guys really aren’t comfortable with women; they’re comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. Women notice this and one of their biggest complaints is that guys don’t pay attention to them, more commonly stated as “men are clueless.” Two, I’ve made myself memorable. Who knows how many guys she’s going to meet the night I met her or between that night and the time I call? I need to stand out. Third, I’ve created a reason to call which involves a deadline; I don’t have to worry about calling too soon and how she might interpret that because I have a clear reason. Fourth, I’ve practically guaranteed she will return my call because, if nothing else, there is a very strong chance she will feel obligated to call and cancel our tentative date. The bigger the first date I suggest, the greater the odds she will feel obligated to call me to cancel. I’ve suggested expensive theater, concerts, and the symphony as a first date; way too much but that’s where the conversation went. Fifth, I’ve come off showing lots of confidence, which women tend to prefer. Finally, with her return call, I have the opportunity to reconnect, which is what I’m really after.
I use this practice a lot. It’s been at least four years since a woman hasn’t returned my call. When she does return my call and we reconnect, the result is me usually suggesting a simpler date, like a drink or dinner. I won’t pretend that I’ve always gotten the date; I haven’t. I do get the date about eighty percent of the time, though. Those aren’t bad numbers—100% returned calls and 80% dates from those calls. Like anything else, it takes practice. If you suggest something big like the symphony in the wrong way, you’ll come off looking desperate, so start smaller. (My background is standup comedy; trust me, timing and delivery are far more important than the actual material.) If she talks about the symphony, for example, ask her if she likes other music; suggest an open mic night at a coffee house or something similar in reply.
This technique isn’t based on them being women or manipulation; it’s based on them being human and common courtesy. If, as a guy, I met you out tonight playing darts or something and you mentioned you were a huge Sox fan, and I told you I had a friend who might have a couple extra tickets to the game next Thursday and asked if you were interested, got your number and told you I’d call when I knew for sure either way, would you not be expecting a call? Would you not return my call to decline or accept the tickets? One of the best things I ever learned was to treat a woman I liked as little like a woman as possible and as much like an average person I met, as possible. The more I like the woman, the harder that is to do; but, the more I like her, that is precisely when it is most important for me not to treat her differently.
Quit focusing on your game and getting digits; instead, focus on listening, responding, and getting a date. You’re not in a race to get her number or to move on to the next woman—at least you shouldn’t be; get comfortable with women, not your “game.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
