Insult Vs. Challenge, Round 1

Now that God is a Woman: Dating Disasters has officially been released, I'm getting some questions on my "courtship" views, for lack of a better term. One question that keeps re-occurring is, especially from women, "Are you into the whole insult the woman to keep her ego in check-thing? Do you talk about it in your book?" There have been a bunch of dating-advice books for guys released lately--which is good because previously there weren't many and guys could really use them--and many of them advocate insulting women to keep their egos in check.

Insulting women to keep their egos in check works on women with self-esteem issues. You can find a lot of these women at clubs (typically the ones dressed to kill, wanting to be the focus of the room), on the beach (often easily identifiable because they are reading copies of "Cosmo" and "Glamour" and have a pile of other chick magazines, as opposed to a book), and so forth, virtually anywhere. Clubs are your best bet, though. I do talk about this technique in God is a Woman. I am not a fan of it. Instead, I prefer to challenge women. It's more flirtatious, playful, and doesn't put them on the defense. It also works with almost every woman, not just those with esteem issues.

Let's take a club as a scenario. If I go to a club, I'm strictly going to dance or to get laid. I'm not looking for my next girlfriend. Clubs are loud and a high-percentage of the women are high-maintenance, needing constant ego boosts, a man who is willing to continually prove his worth, and so forth. I'm simply too lazy for all that. What are the obstacles at a club? Noise, other guys, and, of course, her friends, whomever "she" might be. Again, I'm lazy, so I want to remove as many obstacles as possible using the least amount of steps possible.

A guy meets a woman at the club. He finds out she's a model. He insults her occasionally to keep her ego in check with lines like, "You're not that pretty for a model," and, "They must do some serious airbrushing on your shots." This puts her on the defense and makes things combative. It works because she feels a strong need to prove she is worthy of all the good treatment men usually give her, so she'll come back for more, as she tries to prove the guy wrong. They're still in the club and have all the obstacles thereof but at least he's gotten through her defenses.

I meet the same woman. When I find out she's a model, I challenge her. "You're not really a model . . . you're too articulate to be a model, from what I've heard . . ." I flatter her while I challenge. She's not defensive or combative. I keep pushing. She's a model; she can't be too far from a portfolio or photos of herself. They may be in her home, hotel room, or car. THAT'S where I want to be. If I keep challenging, while mixing in flirting and witty banter, she'll prove she's a model by taking me to the lair of her portfolio. Hell, she may just have a few photos in her purse. When she takes them out and hands them to me, I comment, "It's too dark in here," and turn to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm taking these outside, where there's some light, so I can see them."

She'll follow, not wanting to lose her pictures. There's no time to tell her friends where she's going. Once outside, guess what? No noise, no other guys, not one of her friends. And we're looking at sexy pictures of her. I keep challenging. "Do you have any of you in bikinis? Are you wearing this bra right now?" You get the drift. Wherever I wind up with her, we're alone. She's no idiot, she's knows the game I'm playing; she's been playing it, too. She'll throw me signs about how far she wants it to progress. I've had women take me back to their place and make me wait in the lobby, while they run up to get some of their artwork or photo shoots, to bring back and show me. I've had others bring me right up into their place. Which ones want things to go further? If you can't figure that out, there's no help for you. Challenging removes the obstacles, which is why I prefer it.

Okay, that works for models only, Ian. Use your imagination. Near beaches, I've challenged women to races along the sand. In ski resorts, I've challenged women to contests to see who can make the best snow angel. Again, they know what I'm doing. I'm getting them alone. Women aren't stupid, they're way ahead of us most of the time. They just need an excuse to be unaccountable for what might occur and I'm giving it to them. "He wouldn't give me my pictures back until I gave him a kiss. He was such a good kisser, one thing led to another . . ." In truth, I'm playing more into their hands than they are into mine.

Try challenging. Like anything else, it takes practice to get the hang of it. What do you have to lose? If it doesn't work, you can always fall back on insulting her. No harm, no foul.

Don't worry ladies; my next post will have advice for you.