Fuck... "Last Comic Standing" is Back

I’m sitting here trying to get some work done (writing my “Lunch is Not a Date” column for July and answering interview questions for a Chicago magazine) and I have the TV on; I like a little background noise. What’s on? Last Comic Standing. This is without a doubt the stupidest thing that has happened to standup comedy since that whole alternative comedy movement (alternative to what? Apparently being funny). I am happy for comedian-turned-writer KP Anderson, who I worked with a few times years ago and who is one of the writers for the show. (A reality show for comedians with writers? Hmm, something is amiss.) But the show is horrible. There is one huge, gigantic, fucking major problem with it. I’m not talking about all these minor problems with it:

It has nothing to do with standup comedy. Comedians build their shows and develop their talents by traveling and working their asses off. Those are the ones that headline all over and of them, a select few do sitcoms and even a smaller number move on to movies. You don’t get funny by hanging out in one city like Los Angeles, hoping to get mic time. You don’t get funny by standing in line outside a club for a day.

The acts that do pretty well in the show are depicted as being new to comedy. Most have been doing comedy for ages. In season one, Ant did pretty well. He was doing comedy years before I started in 1990. Kathleen Madigan, from season two, had been on the Tonight Show previously and is well known in comedy (she’s also very, very funny).

The show doesn’t care about comedy at all; it cares about getting interesting characters into the house. Ant is a huge thief. In season one he got called out for doing a joke right out of the movie The Boiler Room by judge and fellow comedian Joe Rogan (host of Fear Factor). Joe was right; the bit was word for word out of that movie. It wasn’t just a similar concept, it was word for word the same bit. Ant played dumb. Despite his the blatant stealing, he advanced. He returned in season two and made it into the house, because he’s a good character to have living in the house. Forget that he’s a thief (that’s far from the only joke he’s ripped off), he’s good for the house. (NBC really fucked up by not having Ant in the house in the first season along with Rich Vos. That would have really created some good fireworks. Maybe the station thought the viewers would forget he was a thief by season two.) More evidence of pushing less funny acts over more talented ones was exhibited in season two, when, despite the overwhelming votes for certain acts by judges Drew Carey and Brett Butler, other acts won. Brett walked out while Drew complained that the network was using their names to get people to watch the show, then not using their votes. Gotta love Drew and Brett; they're never afraid to standup for something.

The fix is in for contestants. The season Drew Carey hosted, Monty Hoffman and Kathleen Madigan advanced. They were both repped by the same management company as Drew Carey. In fact, most of the contestants in general and some of the others who advanced were repped by that management company.

The show has writers. Writers for comedians? What are they writing? The comics’ acts, in part, I suppose.

The show makes comedians do stupid things that again have nothing to do with comedy, like performing comedy ad lib at a laundry mat or auditioning in front of three judges and no one else. These things will make you funny and prove you are funny if you already are, for sure…

The idea of the show is to bolster the winning acts’ comedy careers by getting them sitcoms and other such media roles. Jay Leno does a great job every season of pointing out, “Does anyone remember who the comedians were? Where are they now?” These season, former contestants are judges for the show. (I find hope in this; that other, bigger name acts not associated with the show declined to take part.) In fact, the only thing that contestants find different about their careers is that they get spots on future seasons as hosts, judges, or commentators. So much for bolstering their TV and media careers.

The show now gives you setups for old jokes. You call in to get the punchline and pay $ .99 for this call. (That’s the sign of a show that’s doing well; desperately reaching to sell something and having you call. It’s like you know a movie is going to be bad because in the commercial they talk more about who did the soundtrack than anything else.)

No, I’m not talking about those minor problems. I’m talking about this one major problem: Last Comic Standing kills standup comedy. That’s right, it kills it. It’s not funny. It’s not funny to watch a bunch of wannabe comedians audition with bad jokes. It’s not funny to watch a talented comedian perform for three judges. It’s not funny to watch a bunch of thirty second clips of comedians’ acts. It’s not funny to watch comedians in a house together. When you pitch a show about finding the best in standup comedy, viewers assume they are watching the best comedians in the biz on TV. When they don’t laugh, they figure, “Damn, if these guys aren’t funny, the ones at comedy clubs must be really bad.” Less people go to comedy clubs. When people don’t see these acts advance in their careers, less people go to comedy clubs. Don’t believe me? Comedy clubs are dying everywhere. They have comedy less nights of the week. They have closed many. In Chicago alone, there is Zanies. That’s it. There used to be the Laugh Factory, the Improv, The Funny Firm, Last Laff, The Comedy Womb, Wacko’s, Barrel of Laughs, Funseekers, Who’s on First, two Funny Bones, KJ Riddles, the Comedy Cottage, the Comedy Jam… get the point?

By partaking in Last Comic Standing, comedians are killing their own industry. They aren’t getting funnier by sitting in a house with other comedians, they get funnier by traveling and working the road; by seeing things that inspire more material, by working in front of real crowds, large and small, and in different areas with different tastes. The problem with the show is that comedians are killing standup comedy along with a network. The best comedians don’t do such shows; instead, they’re out on the road working in front of crowds, doing what they love. It doesn’t matter how good you do on the show, when you get in front of a live crowd, you need to be funny. They will eat you alive if you’re not. The club won’t have you back if you’re not. Other clubs, all three of them, will not have you at all as word of your suckiness (that’s a word) spreads. I think, if I have the time, there’s an idea here to put together an anti-Last Comic Standing tour together… that’s if Ant doesn’t quit the show and steal the idea from me first.